VIRGO: stories from the stars

So here you are, with a bunch of plans. Here you are with ideas, here you are with calculations. Virgo, you are a person who is not about procrastinating, not about figuring it out later. I’m proud of you. You’ve shown a Scorpio, one that is bent on determination, yet finds a way to do everything last minute, how to love planning.

You plan. You love to make sure that you have it all figured it out, before everyone else figures you out. You are romantic in this way. You have figured out how to love, but, it will not be how she expects it to be. She expects it to be different, she expects it to be more full. But you are not capable of that, and she doesn’t condemn you, because she loves you. She loves the way you laugh at her profanity, she loves the way you organize her thoughts, she loves the way you dance. You are a great dancer, Virgo. Don’t let your cousin Leo get you into a haze. You have amazing moves.

Virgo, you disappoint me. You have been holding out on me, you have forgotten me. I won’t hold it against you, I love you. But you can’t hear me when I say that. You have all twenty four thoughts in line, and you have to make time for mine. It’s okay though, the dick was average.

Virgos are harsh and to the point. They are not the cousin that talks too long when she’s had too many wine coolers at the cookout. No, they are the apprehensive cousins. The ones who mention mom and mention repercussions. They hate getting in trouble and they don’t do it often unless they are hell bent. This sign is the most insecure. If you disagree, my email is

You are so insecure Virgo, and I’ll tell you why. You have found so many things that you hate about yourself, and I am here to tell you that I love it all. I love how you speak too much when you get a little comfortable, I am here when you don’t want to drink around everyone. I am here when you feel like you’re exerting too much energy.

 I have been introduced to Virgo on many occasions and I oftentimes think that they don’t recognize me emotionally. I think that they feel it is juvenile to carry that on my shoulders, to wear it proudly. I hate to think, and I am very biased, but I’d hate to think that Virgo thinks I’m being too critical. I think Virgos make excellent friends and I think that I may have a lover that’s making this biased.


-Knows your birthday

-Can possibly do your taxes

-Feels obligated most of the time

-Honestly, they will either be huge drinkers, or they won’t drink at all

-Fucks you in the same bathroom his sister showers in

-Loves walking long distances in the snow

-Farts indiscreetly

-Doesn’t like talking about the past

-Very good with first aid

-Knows how to fight

-Very fake/Very real


-Will contradict everything you say

-Hates being wrong

Taylor Evelyn Yates is the sassiest bundle of life energy you'll ever have the pleasure of crossing paths with. a recent graduate with a degree in Creative Writing in Chicago, Taylor has a knack for expressing thoughts and ideas that are only becoming fertilized in our own minds. you can find her work in issues one and four of Selfish.

Sara Kloskowski is a Chicago-based Aquarius, artist, and friend of animals.